Saturday afternoon...

There were three friends that always wanted to play golf every Saturday afternoon, but couldn't because of their wives objections.

So one day after many years they finally got together on the golf course and were waiting at the first tee when one guy said, "I had to buy my wife a diamond necklace to get to play today!!!"

The second said, "That's nothing I had to buy MY wife a new sports car to get out here today!!!"

The third said, "Boy you guys are a couple of wimps; I didn't have to buy my wife anything!!!"

They both looked at him and asked how he managed that!

The smartest of the three said, "It was easy, when I got up this morning I looked her straight in the eye and asked, "Golf course or Intercourse?"
She threw me a sweater and said, "Take this; it might get chilly out there!"

Funeral procession...!!!

A man was leaving a cafe with his morning coffee when he noticed the most unusual funeral procession.

A funeral coffin was followed by a second one about 50 feet behind the first.

Behind the second coffin was a solitary man walking with a black dog.

Behind him was a queue of 200 men walking in single line.

The man couldn't stand his curiosity. He approached the man walking with the dog, "I am so sorry for your loss, and I know now is a bad time to disturb you, but I've never seen a funeral like this with so many of you walking in single line. Whose funeral is it?"

The man replied, "Well, that first coffin is for my wife."

"What happened to her?"

The man replied, "My dog attacked and killed her."

He inquired further, "Well, who is in the second coffin?"

The man answered, "My mother-in-law. She was trying to help my wife when the dog attacked and killed her too."

A thoughtful moment of silence passes between the two men.

Then the first one asks in excitement "Can I borrow the dog?"

The man replied “Join the queue.”!!