Wednesday, February 20, 2013

Who is the mightiest?

A lion woke up one morning feeling really rowdy and mean.

He went out and cornered a small monkey, and roared, "Who is mightiest of all jungle animals?"

The trembling monkey says, "You are, mighty lion!"

Later, the lion confronts an ox and fiercely bellows, "Who is the mightiest of all jungle animals?"

The terrified ox stammers, "Oh great lion, you are the mightiest animal in the jungle!"

On a roll now, the lion swaggers up to an elephant and roars, "Who is mightiest of all jungle animals?"
Fast as lightning, the elephant snatches up the lion with his trunk, slams him against a tree half a dozen times leaving the lion feeling like it'd been run over by a safari wagon.
The elephant then stomps on the lion till it looks like a corn tortilla and rambles away.
The lion lets out a moan of pain, lifts his head weakly and hollers after the elephant, "Just because you don't know the answer, you don't have to get so upset about it!"

Courtesy: Soapbox - Code Project 

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

St. Peter and the Three Men

It got crowded in heaven so, for one day and one day only, it was decided to only accept people who had really bad day on the day they died.

St. Peter was standing at the pearly gates and said to the first man, "Tell me about the day you died." The man said, "Oh, it was awful. I was sure my wife was having an affair, so I came home early to catch her with him. I searched all over the apartment but couldn't find him anywhere. So I went out onto the balcony, we live on the 25th floor, and found this man hanging over the edge by his fingertips. I went inside, got a hammer, and started hitting his hands. He fell, but landed in some bushes. So, I got the refrigerator and pushed it over the balcony and it crushed him. The strain of the act gave me a heart attack, of which I died from."

St. Peter couldn't deny that this was a pretty bad day, and since it was a crime of passion, he let the man in. He then asked the next man in line about the day he died. "Well, sir, it was awful," said the second man. "I was doing aerobics on the balcony of my 26th floor apartment when I twisted my ankle and slipped over the edge. I managed to grab the balcony of the apartment below, but some maniac came out and started pounding on my fingers with a hammer. Luckily I landed in some bushes. But, then the guy dropped a refrigerator on me!"

St. Peter chuckled, let him into heaven and decided he could really start to enjoy this job. "Tell me about the day you died?” he said to the third man in line. "OK, picture this; I'm naked, hiding inside a refrigerator...."

கவியரசர் கண்ணதாசன் பற்றி...

அண்மையில் கவியரசர் கண்ணதாசன் பற்றி அவரது அருமை மகள் காந்தி கண்ணதாசன் ஒரு செய்தி சொன்னார். செட்டிநாட்டிலிருந்து எழுத்துக் கனவுகளுடன் பதினான்கு வயசுப் பையனாக சென்னை வந்தார் கவியரசு கண்ணதாசன். அன்று இரவு படுக்க இடமின்றி மெரினா கடற்கரையில் காந்தி சிலைக்குப் பின்னால் பெட்டியைத் தலைக்கு வைத்து படுத்திருக்கிறார் கவிஞர்.

நள்ளிரவு போலீஸ்காரரின் உருட்டுத்தடி அவரைத் தட்டி மிரட்டியது. நகரத்தார் விடுதிக்குப் போக வேண்டும். இரவு மண்ணாடி வரை நடந்து போக முடியாது. அதனால் கடற்கரையில் படுத்துக் கொள்ள அனுமதி கேட்ட அந்தப் பதினான்கு வயதுப் பையனின் கோரிக்கையைப் போலீஸ் நிராகரித்தது. "படுபடுக்கணும்னா நாலணா கொடு" என்று காவல் மிரட்டியது. நாலணாவுக்கு வழியின்றிக் கலங்கிய கண்களுடன் காந்தி சிலையில் இருந்து நடந்திருக்கிறார் கண்ணதாசன்.

அவர் வளர்ந்து கவியரசாகி "சுமைதாங்கி" என்ற சொந்தப்படம் எடுக்கிறார். கதாநாயகனாக நடித்த ஜெமினி கணேசனை எங்கிருந்து நடக்க விடுவது என்று யோசித்த கவிஞர் அதே காந்தி சிலையைத் தேர்ந்தெடுத்தார். நள்ளிரவு படப்பிடிப்பு. ஆனால் படத்தில் இரவு ஏழு மணி மாதிரி இருக்க கடற்கரை ரோட்டில் நிறைய கார்கள் வரிசையாக வர வேண்டும். ஏழு கார்களை நிற்க வைத்து மாறிமாறி ஒன்றன்பின் ஒன்றாக வருகிற மாதிரி படம் எடுக்கிறார்கள். வீட்டில் இந்தப் படத்தைப் பார்த்துச் சொல்லியருக்கிறார். "இந்தக் கார்களை கவனித்தீர்களா? இவை எல்லாமே நம்முடைய கார்கள். வாழ முடியும் என்று நம்பிக்கையோடு சென்னை வந்த என்னை இந்த இடத்தில்தான் நாலணா இல்லை என்று போலீஸ் நடக்கவிட்டதுஇதே இடத்தில் என் ஏழு கார்களை ஓடவிட்டுப் படம் எடுத்திருக்கிறேன். நம்பிக்கை என்னை ஜெயிக்க வைத்துவிட்டது" என்றாராம்

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

A Bit about Enthiran

Recently I watching Enthiran movie @ Express Avenue, Chennai on 10/10/2010. Frankly speaking, I am not that much moved by the Movie. But I liked the theatre much than the movie. The movie was quite entertaining that I admit till the Interval. After that, it was too boring except a scene I like it very much.

In the climax, the Huge Robo man was chasing Vasigaran (Rajni) and Sana (Ishwarya) who were in a Bus. Rajni was busy on writing a Computer Worm. He takes a Test Tube (it seems) put it in a drive something like below.

And he continue typing the worm. Finally, he talk the infected Test Tube and put it in a Launcher (I don’t know what name to use here) and shoot it at the Robo man. You may ask what’s interesting in there. You see the drive in the above image, is nothing but,

It is a calculator. I really doubt that the movie worth that much budget in the first place.

Friday, June 4, 2010

Priest's Retirement Dinner

A Priest was being honored at his retirement dinner after 25 years in the parish. A leading local politician and member of the congregation were chosen to make the presentation and to give a little speech at the dinner.

However, he was delayed, so the Priest decided to say his own few words while they waited:

'I got my first impression of the parish from the first confession I heard here. I thought I had been assigned to a terrible place. The very first person who entered my confessional told me he had stolen a television set and, when questioned by the police, was able to lie his way out of it. He had stolen money from his parents, embezzled from his employer, had an affair with his boss's wife, taken illegal drugs, and sold his sister's jewelry to buy a gun. I was appalled.

But as the days went on and I learned that my people were not all like that and I had, indeed, come to a fine parish full of good and loving people.'....

Just as the Priest finished his talk, the politician arrived full of apologies at being late. He immediately began to make the presentation and gave his talk:

'I'll never forget the first day our parish Priest arrived,' said the politician. 'In fact, I had the honor of being the first person to go to him for confession.'

Moral: Never, Never, Never Be Late....

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Beer Bottles

A guy, sitting outside his home about to be evicted from his house, was contemplating how the future would be after he had divorced his wife, lost his children and lost his job.

He notices a crate of beer bottles and walks up to it.
He takes out an empty bottle, smashing it into the concrete wall swearing,

"You are the reason I don't have my wife", second bottle, "You are the reason I don't have my children", third bottle "You are the reason I lost my job".

He notices the fourth bottle is sealed and still full of beer. He takes the bottle, puts it aside and says, "Stand aside my dear friend; I know you were not involved".

Friday, May 21, 2010

Art of Appraisal

Big Boss: This year your performance was good, excellent and outstanding. So, your rating is "average".

Ramesh: What? How come 'average'?

Big Boss: lack domain knowledge.

Ramesh: But last year you said I am a domain expert and you put me in this project as a domain consultant.

Big Boss: Oh is it? Well, in that case, I think your domain knowledge has eroded this year.

Ramesh: What???

Big Boss: Yes, I didn't see you sharing knowledge on purchasing domain.

Ramesh: Why would I? Because I am not in Purchasing, I am in Manufacturing.

Big Boss: This is what I don't like about you. You give excuse for everything.

Ramesh: Huh? *Confused*

Big Boss: Next, you need to improve your communication skills.

Ramesh: Like what? I am the one who trained the team on "Business Communication", you sat in the audience and took notes, you remember?

Big Boss: Oh is it? Errr...well..I mean, you need to improve your Social Pragmatic Affirmative Communication.

Ramesh: Huh? What the hell is that? *Confused*

Big Boss: See! That's why you need to learn about it.

Ramesh: *head spinning*

Big Boss: Next, you need to sharpen your recruiting skills. All the guys you recruited left within 2 months.

Ramesh: Well, not my mistake. You told them you will sit beside them and review their code, and most resigned the next day itself. Couple of them even attempted suicide.

Big Boss:*stunned* (recovers from shock) Err...anyway, I tried to give you a better rating, but our Normalization process gave you only 'average'.

Ramesh: Last year that process gave me 'excellent'. This year just 'average'? Why is this process pushing me up and down every year?

Big Boss: That's a complicated process. You don't want to hear.

Ramesh: I'll try to understand. Go ahead.

Big Boss: Well, we gather in a large room, write down the names of sub-ordinates in bits of paper, and throw them up in the air. Whichever lands on the floor gets 'average', whichever lands on table gets 'good', whichever we manage to catch gets 'excellent' and whichever gets stuck to ceiling gets 'outstanding'.

Ramesh: (eyes popping out) What? Ridiculous! So who gets 'poor' rating?

Big Boss: Those are the ones we forget to write down.

Ramesh: What the hell! And how can paper bits stick to ceiling for 'outstanding'?

Big Boss: Oh no, now you have started questioning our 20 year old organizational process!

Ramesh: *faints*